The Desperate Do-Nothing Housewife

I love how people make assumptions about you when they know absolutely nothing about your life. Isn't it amazing the insight these people have? I was recently told by King that the Analyst (FIL) is under the impression that I do nothing while King does everything. I am sure he isn't the only person who thinks that, but I would like to virtually give him the finger and tell him where to shove it. Please allow me to give all of you readers a small glimpse into a day in the life of theXile...

Today was the perfect example of my do-nothing tendencies. Monster #1 came into bed and stole my pillow somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 am...King's alarm went off 3 times, beginning somewhere around 6:45 am. After the third round (7:10 am), Monster told me she put the sun up...and it was time to get up. She needed milk, yogurt, a granola bar and cartoons. While I got her all set up, I threw a pot of coffee on, brushed my teeth while trying to find Monster #2's sippy cup...I found a swimsuit for Monster #1 and set clothes out for Monster #2. By then, it was about 7:30...So, I threw together the beach bag for swim lessons and got all of the packages ready to go from the bags I had sold over the weekend (Yes, I work from home and run an Ebay store). King left for work at about 7:45. He called me about 5 minutes later to say that he had forgotten something, and I offered to bring it up to his work after swim lessons.

8:00--get both Monsters dressed (miraculously, they BOTH had mated shoes today)

8:10--load up and get on the road...after going back in the house 3 times for various forgotten items...most importantly, my coffee.

8:55--drop Monster #2 at the KidZone to play while I watch Monster #1's swim lesson

9:00--Get Monster #1 out to the pool...after she has to go potty and talk about how beautiful the walls and the floors are...During swim lessons, plan the meal for the night & make a grocery list.

9:45--end swim lesson. Pick up Monster #2...Cue downpour. Monsoontastic fucking downpour. Oh, I forgot to mention that I didn't bring an umbrella and was wearing a white nursing tank...AWESOME. 

10:00--load up soaking wet children into the truck, and attempt to dry them off with a wet towel from swim lessons. At least Monster #1 was wearing a swimsuit!

After that, it was off to the Post Office to drop the packages...again when an umbrella would have been a novel idea. Thankfully the rain had settled down by the time we got to Target. So we ran in there to get a few things for dinner...and bandaids. I have been hearing about bandaids for a week now. You'd think that I would have gotten them before now...At any rate, after Target, we trekked up to King's work to drop off his forgotten items and to meet some of his coworkers (remembering we're all soaked, and I'm wearing a white top). Fantastic.

I was able to sneak a sandwich break in somewhere around 12:30, after I put Monster #2 down for a nap and set Monster #1 up with a movie and some lunch. <---Yes, I allow her to eat in front of the television. She eats there much better than she does at a table.

Of course, after Monster #1 went down for a nap, I was able to get some laundry done and pick up their toys (as if there was some point to doing that). I won't bore you with all of the details, but I also made homemade bacon-crusted cheddar mac & cheese for dinner. I played with the girls, and I did more laundry.

The plan was for King and I to spend the evening together, free from technology...but by the time he got home, I was completely spent. I had cleaned up seventeen spots of pee from Monster #2 (yay for potty training), dealt with who knows how many tantrums, cleaned, cooked, played, taxied, and worked enough for an entire week...So I told him that I needed a break, and he was happy to oblige. I'm pretty sure it was the bacon that tipped the scales.

So, my dear Analyst, as you can see...you're entirely wrong. I do all kinds of shit. I may not get paid for all of the work I do, but it's not nothing. My job is to be a kick ass mom and wife and to run a small business on the side. King is just as lucky to have me in his life as I consider myself to have him in mine.

Here's to the housewives...